Monday, December 31, 2007

Makeover Closure

The Makeover Challenge ended... a long time ago. While I did try a lot of stuff, namely tanning and waxing my chest, overall, I'm not too happy about it. Not at all. I did however shave and do like it off a little bit, although much to Tiffany's displeasure.

Tanning is something that I did enjoy. I'm not sure how much effect it had on my skin tone, but I didn't burn in Jamaica, which was the main idea behind it. It does leave you feeling happy and warm, which is important especially from someone working overnights and sleeping during the sunny hours. It costs a lot, however, and I'm not sure it's worth it. Plus the stigma associated with it is something I generally fight against. I don't really care about my appearance. Not to mention the whole cancer-death-dying aspect of it. I can't judge people who do it though as most of the folks I saw tanning were neither orange nor leathery. In fact, I saw many more of those at the beach.

I didn't post about it because it happened the night before we left for Jamaica, but I did Nair my chest. It was pretty crazy; put the stuff on and with one swipe of a rag, I didn't have any chest hair. Or t least not on the top part that could stick out from shirts. The burn directly after the fact is more than a little concerning, and I do wonder what the hell is in that stuff that can kill your hair in no time. It can't be healthy. Now, three weeks later, I'm starting to scratch at my chest more and more as the hair is slowly regrowing, no doubt thicker and fuller than before.

Overall, I did pretty bad with my makeover and as a result, I'm worried about future Sacrifices. I don't have much problem with true sacrifices, having to give stuff up, but when I set out to do something new and incorporate it into my life... that's a whole different ballgame. We will soon find out just how successful I can be, but the makeover gets a dismal 7. In fact, I may have to capitalize that... my score is a Dismal Seven.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Green Christmas

As I have been away, enjoying my new marriage, and the Christmas season, I have not taken on any new sacrifices this month, but I can guarantee that I will make sacrifices after the New Year. So... This is an honorary post about a sacrifice made by the lovely and talented Carrell Olinger. I will undoubtedly not do it justice.

The spirit of sacrifice may fit better with another christian holiday, but Christmas is definitely the time that the most can be sacrificed. Christmas may be the most wonderful time of the year, but with so much time and energy, not to mention money, put into the holiday each year, how can it not be?

Think about it, every house gets a tree, which generally costs between 40 and 100 dollars, and will be thrown away in less than a month. On that tree, people put ornaments, and then cover with tinsel galore! You probably keep the ornaments, you may even purchase a few more, but the two or three boxes of tinsel galore! is usually a pain to fight with and leaves with the tree. And string with lights that are kept on as long as somebody, anybody, in the house is home and awake. And some people go crazy with the lights:
That's an extreme case, but notice the part right after the town loses energy and just before the nuclear energy backup is switched on. Those lights cost a fortune! And that hurts the environment.

Then under the tree are countless presents, each wrapped neatly in fancy paper and topped with a bow. I'm using a website here, that wrapping paper produces an extra 6 billion tons of waste each year. Christmas cards! "The 2.6 billion holiday cards sold each year in the United States could fill a football field 10 stories high." And where does all that waste go? Right in the laps of our children... and our children's children.

In response, the Green Christmas movement arose. While from the outside, they may look like bah-hum-bugs out to spoil everyone's holiday cheer, the idea is simply to reduce the waste of Christmas, which Carrell Olinger took to heart this year. She set out to have a holly, jolly Christmas, without all the excess.

First step, there was an early declaration by many in my local family and friends circle to cut back on gifts this year. My four gift-laden trips to the car yesterday had me wondering how much some people took this to heart, but I believe Carrell succeeded in the gift count, lowering her total number of presents from last year. Today, I will investigate this, and see how much of an impact it had on the overall giving experience.

I know she cut back on the decorations. Using pine branches as a staple, she decorated with the seasonal smell and look without using the local Wal-Mart. I do recall a "lights are the important decoration" sentiment being said, which is very true, but I believe she was able to last the season without strands of light or fake candles in the windows.

And lastly, she just got a tree two days ago. At no charge, it was a real steal! Except she didn't steal it, she took it off the side of the road. There are pictures to follow.

All in all, I'm very impressed with her dedication to the sacrifice. I'll verify and report back with a final grade. Just another case that life is more interesting when you're sacrificing.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Sweeeeeet!! It's over.

So it's now December 3 and I'm just getting around to writing about the end of my No Sweets Challenge which ended three days ago. Truth is I was on a two day sugar rush and then crashed and am just now getting back on my feet. Just kidding.

The challenge started out rough, really rough. I think that was a result of the caffeine more than the sugar, which I think I started drinking with tea. But after the first week, it went really smooth and I didn't have any problems. I actually liked it!

I did not however write much about it... or anything else for that matter. It's almost like without sweets in my life, my life's just not as sweet.

I did do stuff. I even thought stuff. I could have written about a lot. I kept meaning to film all the candy we still have in the apartment... I bunch of fun-sized MilkyWays, a couple of fun-sized Butterfingers, a full sized Snickers, a bag of peanut M&M's, and some other stuff - all leftover handouts from Jane at work... a bunch of the Milky Ways are now gone though.

And it didn't take much before I ate too much. Three Hershey kisses was enough for me at midnight on Friday. I had a Coke yesterday and had to share it with Tiff because I couldn't finish it. I no doubt will fall back into the sugar-filled diet I've grown accustom to, especially as I'm about to head off to Jamaica - I'm getting married! - but for now I'll hold off on the sweets. Thank you very much.

As far as ratings go... I did okay. I slipped up once. I had some soda and a small piece of cake... it had been looking at me for hours, just begging to be eaten. Unlike the vegetarian challenge however, I do feel the difference in my body and will probably think about it each time I eat too much sweet stuff. So I'll say a 23 out of 30. Again, it's not too bad.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Pumpkin Pie

This sweets thing is becoming as easy as pumpkin pie. This weekend I baked a pumpkin pie as part of a pre-Thanksgiving feast. Not eating it was made easier by the fact that my time making it was spent silently cursing it and its precious crust. I now understand why they sell pie crust in the store.

I also only made one pie while I followed a recipe for two. I know for a fact that I didn't halve one of the ingredients, and I saw after the fact that the recipe for just one pie is not exactly half of everything for two. So I'm pretty sure it tasted awful. This made it easier not to eat, but I was cooking it for my soon-to-be in-law's, so instead I worried about it. I wouldn't want to make everybody sick just before joining the family. Plus, the turkey caused enough headache for the day.

In the end, one piece of pie was eaten to rave reviews. As good as pumpkin pie is and as much as it is a vital piece of Thanksgiving, in my head at least, you don't really need it. There is so much other good food - turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes - that even for a true pumpkin pie lover, it's just extra goodness. It's like the cherry on top.

I did eat something sweet though. I'm not free from sin. Tiff made a dessert as well. I'm not sure what they were called but they were slow-cooked apples covered in brown sugar. I had never had them before and they smelled delicious, so I thought I should at least try them... and the recipe suggests serving it with whipped cream, so I had to get the full effect.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I'm Tanning!!

I've been tanning a number of times since my last post about it. I thought I should explain the process a bit.

First off, the place is really nice, meaning it's clean and I'm not too worried about catching any diseases. This is a good thing. I've heard stories about places that sound gross to be in fully clothed, let alone stripped down to your skivvies.

Okay, so we got a deal that was for tanning booths, not tanning beds. When you walk into the place there are four rooms with beds on the right wall and the left wall is lined with these enclosed booths that each have a door the size and shape of an airplane bathroom. You go into this dressing room, which is small for me and I'm not that big of a guy. The opposite wall has a heavy vault-type door that leads to the tanning booth itself.

My first time it took me awhile to figure it all out. I was standing there with very little on and eye protection that could blot out the sun, albeit very stylish... I couldn't figure out what to do next though. I even tried just standing in front of the lights for a minute but nothing happened. It turns out there's a button you have to press, and then the blinding light turns on.

The room itself is the same size as the dressing room, but it doesn't feel nearly as small. The lights are close but they are all behind a cage, and I am glad we aren't using the coffin-like beds. Although, once your feet are in place, you have to grab on to these hooks that are on the ceiling - wouldn't want an uneven tan. It could easily feel like some sort of awful torture chamber though, locked in some small cage, dangling from the ceiling with your toes on the ground.

For me, however, my feet are flat on the ground and my hands are barely above my head. Plus, there's a nice fan going and you can turn up the music. For lack of better word, it's really nice. And the lights and the heat. The waiting room has a big sign listing off the benefits of tanning, the focus being on that it make you feel good, and they are right. It just makes you happy. I have yet to leave that place anything but happy. Even when I know I burned.

Anyways, the burning has stopped for the most part, as has the itching. The incessant itching and scratching and reaching for places that cannot be reached... that only lasted a couple days anyways. For the most part, I'm starting to tan. There's not much of a difference, but it's a start.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Diet Pepsi

I mentioned I drink soda. I feel like I'm bucking the system a bit, not to mention a native-Atlantan traitor, as my soft drink of choice is Diet Pepsi. I like how it tastes. I like how it fizzes in my mouth. For a long time, I was getting 2-liter bottles, but then I switched to cans a few months ago, just to make sure nothing was going flat.

I enjoy Diet Pepsi.

Diet Pepsi uses artificial sweeteners and therefor has no sugars in it. It is however sweet, but I wildly stated that I would not drink soda. Thus, one of the harder parts of this is that I said goodbye to Diet Pepsi.

And said hello to Turkey Hill's 100% Diet Green Tea. It contains no sugars or artificial sweeteners. Ideally, I would be replacing soda with water, but sometimes water needs a little pizazz. That's when I reach for a tall glass of Turkey Hill's 100% Diet Green Tea. It turns out the tea has the aspartame, the same stuff that people at Pepsi it in Diet Pepsi to make it Diet. But green tea is suppose to be healthy, right?

Admission: at a 75th birthday party, there were drinks abound... I had a taste of Diet Pepsi. I did not like how it tasted. My soda temptation is more or less gone. As long as I'm pounding down the Turkey Hill's 100% Diet Green Tea.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Sweets, Please

This time last week, nearing the end of a moderately successful vegetarian month, I looked forward to my sacrifice of sweets. I was confident that if I could eat all the meatless foods with as little trouble as I ran into, then I could do anything. Oh, how I was wrong. Giving up sweets is so incredibly more difficult. It feels much more like a sacrifice.

The thing about sweets is they satisfy you without filling you up. Whereas you look to meat for a meal, sweets are just a treat. A very, very good treat. And you look to a sweet treat when you're bored, or you've already had dinner but you just need something else... a little sweet treat.

Tiff and I did not have any plans this weekend, which was nice, but something was missing. I eat my fair share of sweets, but I don't think it's a tremendous amount. The fact that this sacrifice is so difficult is surprising to say the least. 25 more days before I can gorge myself in chocolate.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

No Sweets - 1 Month

As I mentioned the vegetarian challenge was never very nutrition focused. Towards the end, and as Halloween approached, my daily meat intake was replaced by a daily sweet intake. I've always loved sweets, candy and cake and cookies and ice cream and doughnuts... who doesn't?

Lately - well, for the past few years, I haven't held back either. I want a doughnut, I go next door to Shoppers, home of the Colossal Doughnuts. I want some candy, I go next door to Wal-Mart, where you can get a pack of Twixes for a $1. I want some ice cream, maybe a milkshake, isn't that what made McDonald's so popular? And cookies and cake, that's what Tiff's for... gettin' in the kitchen and bakin' me whatever I want. Whenever I want.

And cutting whatever it is into little bite-sized pieces and feeding it to me as I recline in front of the tv. The rest of the time she fans me with incense as I sip a colorful drink with a bright umbrella in it..

Anyways, here's November's challenge. No Sweets - 1 Month. This includes any sugary dominated thing. Desserts or sugary snacks, so no Pop-Tarts, which I have access to at work every day and are delicious and easy.

Also, and here's the kicker, no soda. I don't drink much soda so this shouldn't be too bad. I usually drink one can a day, so I don't think I need the caffeine or anything, but we'll see how I do. It's going to be a watery November for me.

Wish me luck.

Put a Fork in Me

November 1st and I am done. Rather unceremoniously too. I had my slip-ups and my moments of weakness, but all in all, after some adjustment, the month went pretty well.

Highlights for me, as I've mentioned before are the portobello mushroom sandwiches. Those things are good. Really good. And the veggie subs from Subway are also surprisingly tasty. I think they may be my new favorite Subway item, after their so-soft cookies of course. And the meatless Chik'n Sandwiches, which I never commented on, are really good too. Tiff and I just bought a new pack that we haven't opened yet. When we do eat it will be a good indicator of just how good it is... but right now I'm still looking forward to them.

Overall, on John Duffy's Ratings Scale I think I got about a 17. Why so low? Well, I did eat sausage and chicken one morning. I could blame this on a slip of the mind as I honestly did not think about it until it was too late, but that's no excuse... and I did finish that spicy chicken taquito-thing even after I remembered. Those were some good bites though. Also, truth be told, I ate a Diablo shrimp or two last Friday... for those who know me, I guess I'm not very allergic after all.

Besides the slips into carnivorism, I didn't quite meet the true vegetarian dieter's diet. I had said that I would eat a salad everyday. That didn't happen. In fact, towards the end, the only salads I was eating were the ones when we went out to eat, which became more and more frequent as the month went on. Which brings me to the point that we weren't eating many vegetables at all as vegetarians. By the end of the month I think we were eating worse than when we could eat whatever we want.

So with the score of 17, maybe the question is why did it get such a high score? To which I say, I ate the damn veggie dog. And now, I am ready to close the book on being a vegetarian.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

He Said, She Said

I feel the need to debunk the last post. With sentences like

"I figured if Tiff says she's done, why can't I be done?" and

"Tiff's already eating meat, claiming we started early and her thirty days are up."

John's insinuating that I've finagled my way out of this veggie-deal. But we agreed to 30 days without meat, and that's just what I did. No meat at all... not even, say, a sausage biscuit or a chicken taquito, which if any one's confused, is why John is still on the challenge... His 30 days were extended because of his little slip up...

That said, being able to eat meat really isn't all that exciting or wonderful. I'm more excited about when John is able to join me. It's no fun eating something delicious when the person with you can't enjoy it, too. I had grand plans for my first day back to normal... I was going to go get a Jamaican Jerk Chicken Pizza from the California Pizza Kitchen, mmm. But, that would've been too cruel, and instead, when the day arrived, I ended up cooking meatless chicken sandwiches.

All in all, this challenge wasn't bad. There are so many other options besides meat, that I didn't feel very challenged at all most of the time. I don't feel any different either... no more/less energy, no weight gain/loss, no weird cravings like the eggsperiment... it was pretty uneventful for me.

In a nutshell:

Positives: Fake Chicken, Veggie-Burgers, John ate mushrooms (gasp!), Subway's veggie subs, and roasted red pepper soup.
Negatives: Soy-dogs, tofu was not good enough to keep eating, and bad things like Pizza Pockets, Chips & Dip, and Cream Puffs made their way into our kitchen, which we would never have bought otherwise and will probably never buy again afterwards...

I'm hoping (and I think I'm going to get my wish) that November's challenge will be.... more challenging. We've got it all planned out, but I'll wait for John to "officially" announce it. It's going to be a tough one for us both!

The Home Stretch

I didn't mean to stall of the updates, sorry, but I am painfully close to eating meat again.

Tiff's already eating meat, claiming we started early and her thirty days are up. She has yet to truly take advantage of it yet though. We went out to eat on her last day as a vegetarian at some fancy seafood place with some friends. Tiff got chicken pasta without the chicken and I got Diablo Shrimp Pasta. Even without eating the devil's shrimp it was hot enough to clear the sinuses. I only ate half of it, although I didn't touch the shrimp, and took the rest home. Tiff's first meaty meal was the shrimp at about 12:30 that night.

Shrimp's not exactly the meatiest of meats and I didn't want any, so it was not quite the story of temptation that I had envisioned.

A couple days later we got breakfast at a buffet. I will admit the piles of sausage and bacon that Tiff got - I think just to wave under my nose - looked pretty good. Tiff left some on her plate as she got up. I picked it up and smelled it with the idea of tasting it. I figured if Tiff says she's done, why can't I be done? It smelled like it should, but it went from appetizing to a bit stomach turning as it got under my eyes. My first meat will definitely not include bacon fat.

To be honest, I'm not sure what I'll eat. A few weeks ago, the thought of grilled chicken made my mouth water, but now, not so much. I am eager to stop worrying about what I'm eating, but right now, nothing sounds good.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Veggie Burgers

I finally got around to eating veggie burgers.


You know, they're really not bad. I think Tiff likes them more than hamburgers, which I have to disagree. Nothing beats a thick, juicy hamburger straight off the grill. But they are not nearly as bad as I was thinking. Plus, we, well Tiff, cooked them on the Foreman, which for some reason makes a big difference to me.

I'm learning the trick with these meatless meats is small bites. Actually, the thing about them is the same problem I have with some vegetables: there's just a mental block. It's simple logic, if you think you won't like it, you won't like it.

So while I'm not a veggie burger convert, I think it's a pretty big success that I ate it happily. I may be a portobello mushroom sandwich convert, though. I really think I'd eat that over most other sandwiches.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Walking Towards Cancer

...or is it away from cancer?

Last weekend I went for a walk with Tiff and her aunt, Carrell... and 5000 strangers. We participated in Manassas's annual cancer walk, Light the Night, and while there was some definite hokiness to it, it was truly very cool. They gave everyone a balloon with a light in it and sent us marching as a giant horde of cancer-aware hooligans through the streets. The walk took about an hour, and it was a pretty leisurely pace, so while it does indeed count for our makeover sacrifice, I think it would take a lot more than that to make this beast into a beauty - uh, meaning me. Unfortunately, the pictures didn't come out too well:
but whenever we crested a hill, however small it may be, we could see a red path lit up before us winding through the neighborhoods. It had a surprisingly neat sensation, like I was actually a part of something.

Every walker was suppose to raise money to support the cause. People who raised a thousand dollars got a long-sleeve t-shirt! Tiff and I didn't raise any money. We joined at the last minute.

The event had a few sponsors, so as the thousands of jolly participants ended their Lite-Brite adventure they were greeted by a man dressed as a cow giving out Chik-Fil-A chicken sandwiches. Oh, how a nice tender chicken sandwich would have tasted then. I was tempted, especially after already failing, but we veered instead into a near-by Subway right before close, and I had my first veggie sub. It wasn't bad. Meat can add a nice flavor, but the veggie sub's after-effect was excellent. I felt good afterwards; I was satisfied. Nothing beats a Saturday night spent walking in circles and eating a salad on a bun.

Big shout out to Carrell for both setting us up with the cancer walk and for making a true sacrifice by giving up cigarettes.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Dead Sea Sales Pitch

Tiff and I had a strange encounter with a thickly-accented salesman the other day at the mall. He commented about his accent, so I took the bait and asked what type of accent it is. He challenged me to guess.

The accent was unfamiliar but I guessed Mediterranean simply based on the large patch of chest hair that was proudly on display from under his collar. He suddenly became enthusiastic, pushing me to a more specific guess. I knew it was wrong, but I guessed Italy, which seemed to punch a blow in his appreciation of me. But he quickly rebounded.

"No, it's a small country in the Middle East." Oh - I replied - you're from Lebanon.

I should have known by the large display of Dead Sea beauty products behind him that he was from Israel A little different than Lebanon. If my guess Italy was a punch, this was a knock-out blow, and the guy never addressed me again, with the rest of the pitch going to Tiff. I figure at least I didn't say Palestine.

His stuff looked pretty good though. My mom sent me the always fun package of lord-knows-what for my birthday last year that included a man's bath kit of Dead Sea products and I really like them all. One of his items was a nail shiner block. He shined Tiff's pinky nail to a pretty impressive gleam.

We found a similar shiner block at Wal-Mart for $1.99. Savings - $78.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Haircut All-Stars

I am notorious for waiting to get my hair cut. Notice the subtitle here. I used to not be so bad about it, but then I let it grow out one year - the year I met Tiff - and ever since then have let it grow weeks past the time that it looks bad to the point where it looks embarrassing. This time around was no different.
I usually get my hair chopped off all at once. What I mean is that I get my hair cut too short and then after a few weeks of growing, it's the length I like. That's why I'm getting my hair cut now, in hopes that in two months I will have perfect length curls and change my name to Samson.

This trip to the barber was not noteworthy by any means. Although when the barber asked me how long I wanted it, I said simply, "shorter," and then looked around and pointed out a guy waiting to get his hair cut and said, "about that long."
Tiff's hair hasn't changed all that much in the time that I've known her. She also got her haircut recently. Whereas my barber seemed to be more concerned with whatever myth was being busted on the Discovery Channel at the time, Tiff went to a fancy place. She had been talking about taking drastic measures with her hair for a few weeks. So with a picture of the one and only Nicole Ritchie in hand, my beautiful bride left the apartment like this.
I was a little nervous to say the least. When she came home, eight hours later, she had half the hair but was twice as beautiful. Look at her now!

"Oh! No!"

I'm not sure what happened.

I was at work. I stayed for a meeting. I had planned to run out to Starbuck's to help me stay awake through the meeting, but my relief never showed so I worked with the kids for the hour and a half before the meeting started. I took the kids to breakfast. They were eating breakfast. There was a plate laid out for me. I was talking to the kids.

I'm not sure how it happened.

I just wasn't thinking. I took a biscuit off the plate. It had been a while since I had these biscuits, and Jane cooked them right. They weren't burnt at all, cooked through completely, and still moist from what looked like butter. I split one open with my thumbs. Steam poured out. There were two sausage patties. I picked one up with my fork. I put it on the biscuit. I sank my teeth into it. I remember looking at it, thinking how good it tasted.

I can't believe it happened.

So I get to my meeting just before it starts. There is food laying out. As always it's a weird mix of breakfast and dessert. The strawberry cheesecake, ham-and-cheese breakfast burritos, crackers and cheese, spicy chicken taquitos, and strawberry cheesecake all lined up. Thinking about my upcoming beach wedding, I pass over the strawberry cheesecake and take one spicy chicken taquito, and take a seat. I bite into it as my boss starts the meeting. I look down the table at someone's half-eaten taquito and start to wonder what exactly is in them. And then the truth circled around my head for a minute.

"Oh! No!"

I said it in slow motion. I was loud enough to stop the meeting. Everyone turned, looking at me, as a large piece of chicken-filled food rested noticeably in my mouth. I swallowed down the bite of food. And sheepishly explained, "I'm a vegetarian."

Three weeks as a vegetarian. Three weeks with my diet on the forefront of my mind. Three weeks of thinking both "I can do this!" and "Why am I doing this?" at the same time. Three weeks ruined by one morning of absent-mindedness. I failed. Not only did I fail, but I failed with shipped-in shelter food. I am so mad at myself. I cannot put into words how mad I am at myself. And more than mad, I'm disappointed in myself. This is my first sacrifice and I can't do it. I am pathetic.

So now what? The challenge was for a month, the month of October, and I intend on finishing out the month as a vegetarian. But, that doesn't feel like enough. I feel like I should have to recite the rosary of vegetables, but I don't know what that would be. I think what I will do is, come November first we will get a big meaty meal somewhere as planned and only Tiffany can end her sacrifice of meat, and I will look on, for at least one extra day.

So mad at myself.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Slow Going

It is I...

Do I look like a bad dream? I am most definitely not Captain Vegetable. I'm much more like Andy and Eddy. In fact, as an experimental vegetarian, I've rarely ventured into the world of vegetables. Like Captain Vegetable, I like carrots and celery, but after that, well, there's not much else I like. I haven't strayed once into the world of meat, though.

Tiff and I have gotten lazy with our vegetarianism. We started out strong, cooking vegetarian meals, which for the most part were all really good, but in the past few days we've been out to eat several times. I should note that I haven't felt too great the past few days. I think it's just a cold, but I haven't slept too much, not for lack of trying. Tiff and I usually get Chicken McNuggets when we don't feel good, but we've definitely compensated for it recently.

We went to Fridays because we heard they had Fried Mac'n'Cheese, which that much cheese makes my cheeks sweat, and we ended up splitting one of the two meals that does not have meat in it. I never thought I would eat a Portabella mushroom sandwich, let alone like it as much as I do.

We did a breakfast buffet on Sunday, where it is pretty easy to avoid meat. Now if we were vegetarians with a cause and didn't eat eggs or even milk, we probably couldn't have eaten anything they had to offer, but as it is, we filled our bellies and left grossly full but wanting to eat more. And then yesterday, we got suckered in by television commercials and got Dominoes Two for Tuesdays deal.

Tiff admitted the other day that this would be easier if we had some sort of cause, like we don't eat meat because of the evil people who make meat. My response was that the story was reason enough to do it, but we aren't making much of a story of it by going out to eat so much.

So just to add another level to the story, I've had several out-of-my-way-coming-through trips to the bathroom in the past few days, which could be from being sick but I've never had symptoms like that with a regular cold before.

Also, strangly, my pee stinks. My pee has been stinking for a couple weeks now. I have stinky pee.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Burning

I finally got started on tanning yesterday, and I am that much closer to dying. I am in for the long haul too. Tiff and I both got year-end packages of unlimited tanning. I could tan from 9am to 9pm every day of the week.

It is a bizarre process though, with the first day being dominated by embarrassment and feeling like a fool. I'm sure there will be multiple stories involved but after one day, five minutes I should say, my skin hurts.




I can however see why people do it. It does feel pretty good while you're in there, and I'm curious to see if regular visits change my mood at all, particularly as I work nights and will soon be sleeping during the entire daylight hours. Not to mention, I'm curious if I can become a nice solid orange color before Christmas.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

2 weeks and counting...

Well, tomorrow will be the 2 week mark in this meatless adventure. As someone who is constantly amazed at how fast days turn into months, I must say - it's been a long 14 days! For the most part, it's been fine. We haven't had to grocery shop as much, dinner planning has gone much easier than usual, we haven't gone out to eat as much, and I only miss meat when they replay that damn Applebees commercial every 5 minutes between 9 and 10 o'clock. But there is a major downside to this whole experiment that didn't occur to me until today.

Today it finally feels like Fall. The past month has been a dry, hot extension of summer that caused us to crank up our a.c., break out the benedryl, and smear on the spf 45 every time we leave the house. On Tuesday it was 91 degrees out there, but today it's a brisk 67. There's a chill in the air, a breeze is blowing, it's the first day I haven't had an allergy headache in weeks, and I want to throw on a sweater and get out there and enjoy it.

Normally, we take advantage of this time of year by dining out at one of our favorite burger joints. We eat outside on the patio by the train station. It's cute and quiet and relaxing. It always lends itself to easy conversation, not to mention it's got great food. Today I realized that we're going to miss out on the entire Autumn-eat-outside-in-the-fresh-air season, because there's something not quite fair about ordering a salad and having to smell burgers on the grill.

If only we lived in an area that was more enthusiastic about grilled cheese.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Exercise My Patience

The makeover is increasingly difficult and hurdles are springing out of the woodwork. Tiff and I finally got motivated a couple of days ago, on Monday, and went walking through the quiet little neighborhood near our apartment complex just as night was falling.

Tiff, with all of her natural navigational know-how, led the way, charging farther and farther away from home. I didn't so much mind the distance, or the power-walk pace, but I knew that she was guiding us towards a very busy road so I suggested turning... often. But Tiff would not be swayed. We had a made a sacrifice and we must sacrifice fully. I put my foot down when she turned left towards a highway and a road with no sidewalks.

About this time we also realized we did not have much of a chance of making it home before 9pm. We may have treated it like the witching hour, but 9pm is just the time that Heroes comes on. There are only a few shows that I watch regularly and that is one of them. Come to think of it, it's the only prime time show that is a must-watch for me week after week.

I was determined to get home in time. Our power walk took speeds that even heroes would be proud of. I think Tiff was more determined not to piss me off, so together we raced down the neighborhood streets. I ran through the door, huffing and puffing, sweat dripping down, and turned on the tv just as the "previously on..." scenes were rolling.

Fast-forward a day. Tiff likes our route and more importantly our speed, so we set out again. This time we prepare ourselves for the trip. We dress more appropriately. I take off my glasses, which I do from time to time for no real reason, and leave them behind. Just as we are leaving Tiff grabs the cell-phone to keep an eye on the time. Our goal is the same route in under an hour, which is about what we did the first day.

And we are off. We are trucking. We are really zooming. It's a nice walk. We talk about stuff like how the homes cost too much. $430,000 to live in the shadows of your neighbor. And at the end, we climb up our stairs ten minutes faster than the previous time. We are happy. Tiff has a show to watch. I'm going to post a few blogs because I'm getting behind, all is well, and then I try to turn the doorknob. We are locked out.

The only thing we have on us is a cell phone. No money. No car keys. But thank god for the cell phone. With a little help, thanks Martha, we call a locksmith and about two hours and $195! later, we get into our home, stinking to high heaven, with just enough time for me to shower and head off to work.

When I planned the exercise part of this, I had visions of excruciating pain and lots of sweat and clanking weights and water bottles with pre-bended straws, but it hasn't started out that way. I like the walking and it definitely is a work-out, but a part of me thinks there should be more grunting and maybe sweatbands and leg-warmers. Tiff's got the right idea. We'll see what I do though.

Makeover: Take Two

I didn't do a good job explaining the makeover challenge. The beautiful beaches of Jamaica are exclusive to beautiful people, and while I'm taking my beautiful bride, I need some work before being allowed in or even near such beauty. I am sacrificing my carefree attitude towards my appearance, fitness, and health.

So here are the basic rules. First, I should have started working out earlier in order to be in shape for the trip, maybe two or three years earlier, but I'm hoping that if I exercise for at least 45 minutes four times a week I will at least feel like I'm in better shape. Ideally, I'd like to lose my beer belly and drop about 15 pounds, but realistically, that is not going to happen in two months. So I'm going to admit from the start that "attitude is everything" for this piece of the sacrifice.

Secondly, I will tan regularly. Now, I have never gone tanning - I've never even sunbathed... in fact, I don't think I have ever been tan - but we are going to the Caribbean beaches and even spf 342 is not going to stop the sun from getting to me down there and the last thing I want is to be bed-stricken with sun poisoning on my wedding day/honeymoon.

And other than that, I want to do whatever I can look nice. While attitude is everything, I want my appearance to match my attitude. We'll see were that takes me.

I'll admit I'm having some trouble getting started on this one. Unlike the vegetarianism, this is more about the motivation to get up and go do something rather than simply denying myself something. Hopefully, that will soon change.

Veggie Dogs

Overall, I'd say I have been doing alright as a vegetarian. The food can be a little weird, and the thought of grilled chicken, of all things, makes my mouth water and my head a little lighter, but all in all I'm doing a-okay. Last night the Vegetarian Challenge introduced me to veggie dogs. They look, feel, and smell just like hot dogs, and just like hot dogs, I can't help but wonder what the hell are they made of.

Everyone knows what goes into a hot dog, basically - anything. Someone once told me that hot dogs are allowed to include up to 5% of what is listed as "other." I'm not sure if that's true or not so I went looking for hot dog ingredients on the internet. According to sikchux who was answering a question asked by YakHairSandwich on Yahoo answers, - power to the people! - the ingredients include "guts, ears,snout,eyes, [and] basically everything thats left over mmmmmm." Mmm is right, sikchux. I love hot dogs. Wikipedia's version is more technical describing a process of mechanically separated meat, but even with the fancy terminology, it still makes you say "ew."

That's why I was excited about veggie dogs, and eager for this particular challenge. Veggie dogs have all the flavor and goodness of hot dogs without the knowledge of eating the leftover parts of animals that were intended to be leftover. Here's proof positive that I ate them:

Okay so... here's another video. The first half is hard to hear over the microwave, but I'm just explaining that I had tried to fry them originally, which is how I cook my hot dogs, but that didn't work out so I'm nuking them in the microwave and trying again. Check it out:


In the end, a big part of me thinks sikchux is right. I don't really care what they put in it as long as it makes me say "mmmmmm." I cannot wait for fake chicken!

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Lesson: Always Pack a Lunch

Yesterday John and I embarked on our 4th weekend in a row of vending at Fall festivals. At the last three festivals, we packed a lunch. We ate the packed lunch, and since there is little else to do but sit in our booth and wait for the occasional buyer, we also ate some good festival food - ice cream, french fries, & nachos. Yesterday we decided not to pack a lunch because we figured we'd just eat the junk food anyway. No problem.

Except it was a problem. John decided (I'm sure with visions of heroism dancing in his head) to give blood soon after we got to the show. You can read about his experience here. Now I'm all for giving blood and saving lives, just not when it involves:
  • not being able to lift anything for 24 hours afterwards when you are helping me at a show that involves an 80 lb. tent and various other heavy tubs and equipment that I am now going to have to lift and pack and carry all by myself therefor extending the time of our breakdown by at least 20 minutes.
  • and signing a death waiver.

It wasn't a great life-saving experience. The new method of sucking twice as much blood out of you and shooting the extra back into you at room temperature didn't sit well with John, or all of the small children and parents alike who were frightened by a very blue-faced John Duffy, laying down in the walkway beside my booth. It was all very dramatic. He was taking loud, deep breaths with his hands over his head (which exposed his belly due to the tee shirts he constantly wears - thank goodness for the makeover challenge!) and rocking back and forth. Needless to say, it wasn't so good for business.

Joking aside, I was quite worried. I went to find him some food and this was when I realized that no one cares about people that don't eat meat. My festival-food options were: chili, ribs, crab cakes, burgers, chicken wraps, and corn dogs. No french fries. No nachos. No meatless anything. I brushed this off as fate playing a cruel, cruel joke and began walking to the nearest grocery store.

I was sure it would be a quick trip and I could grab a salad and some crackers and be on my way back to save my blue fiance. The problem was that all of the pre-made, ready to go, easy lunch salads had meat in them. I'm not kidding - there was even one with steak. So my next stop for a quick lunch to go was the Lunchables aisle. Out of the abundance of prepackaged meals, only one did not have meat - a very sad looking "nachos" pack. I tried looking for something that didn't involve some very questionable cheese, but there was no easy veggie-friendly lunches to be found. Nachos it was. John probably preferred the nachos over a salad anyway, but alas, they did not stop him from turning blue several more times before the festival was over.

After a hard day of wishing we could eat meat (out of neccessity of course), matters were made worse at dinner. We went to a chain restaraunt for a friend's birthday and were met with a menu with a total of three meatless options, two of which were appetizers. Out of the eight salads they featured as entrees, none were meatless. Fortunately the soup & salad combo came with a small, meatless salad (and lucky for me the soup of the day was not chicken noodle). John was forced to ask for his ceasar salad without any meat, which brought on several questions and strange looks from our waitress.

The upside to all of this was that our bill was only 17 dollars (much less if you exclude the beers) compared to the 40 dollars of the couple sitting beside us who enjoyed a burger and chicken pasta. I'm guessing that longtime non-meat eaters must be really efficient cooks because there are no options for unprepared vegetarians. Lesson learned. Always pack a lunch.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Makeover - 2 Months

I am getting married! In two short months, I am getting married on the beautiful beaches of Jamaica's north shore, and I want to look my best.

Temptation Thursday

Today is a day of temptation. First with Jane at breakfast and now Dustin...


And with Five Guys no less. He got both a hot dog and a hamburger, just to rub it in my face. And with bacon! I did enjoy a good bean burritto from Chipotle, a vegetarian eat-out experience. Chipotle's pretty good stuff and stuffs your belly at the same time. Somehow I still have to get down a salad this evening, easier said than done.

Temptation

I blame Jane. Jane is the cook at the shelter where I work, and she's the lady who hands me breakfast a few times a week, as well as large bags of candy, as I leave work. I think I would be in relatively good shape if it weren't for this kind older lady. I'm sure it has nothing to do with my sedentary lifestyle. On an aside, in the past few weeks her kindness has been slipping, "You do this random task for me... I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette."

Today, she brought temptation into the vegetarian challenge. She makes some damn-fine breakfasts. Her sausage, egg, and cheese bagels are perhaps one of my favorite foods of all-time. I don't care if the sausage is fake, the eggs pre-cooked, and the cheese gooey enough to stick to the top of your mouth and coat your insides with goodness. Her chicken biscuits... I don't know what she does, it's just a chicken patty on a biscuit, but somehow they turn out deliciously better than anything I could make. Today it was ham and cheese croissants: It pained me to do it, but as you can see, I dutifully removed the ham. But then I started wondering what would a vegetarian do? WWVD? It had ham on it. There's is no ham on it now. But it's touched ham. It's not kosher. Should I bless it?

I'm pretty sure a true vegetarian would not eat it, but I... I had a damn-fine breakfast.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Tofu Test



Yep, that's me eating tofu. And as I say, I can't really taste it. Here's a picture of dinner:

The bigger pieces were a little hard to get down, but the dinner's downfall was the garbonzo beans, which made the whole thing taste funny. In the end I slowly ate half the plate before handing it over to Tiff and doubling up on the salad. With Kraft's Asian Toasted Sesame dressing, salad is a tasty treat.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Vegetarian and a Whole Lot More

I'm having trouble. Despite what Tiff says, my trouble is not with the vegetarian thing, in fact, I feel great. I feel energized. I feel motivated. I feel wonderful. The trouble is that I'm pretty doubtful the change in diet has anything to do with it, and the true energizer and motivator is the list of sacrifices and challenges that are floating around in my head for later on.

I'm getting married in two short months and there are a number of things I would like to do in preparation for the wedding. I have a long list of ideas for this blog and I'm struggling not trying to do them all at once. I will have to start doubling up on challenges, but if the idea is to see the effect of what I'm writing about on my regular life, I shouldn't be changing everything in my life. Plus, if the challenge could lead to self-improvement, shouldn't I be doing it?

It's also very strange, because with my hit counter reading 12, now 13, it's pretty clear that nobody is reading this, but the fact that I'm documenting the challenge I'm sure is the only reason why I haven't thrown in the towel already and brought home a pound of ground beef and cooked it up with a few strips of bacon and eaten it with a spoon.

Also, vegetarians aren't restricted from going out to eat, but I'm not sure where I would go or how that would work. Not eating out for a full month would be a sacrifice in and of itself, one that could have huge effects, and that's kind of where I'm headed.

In conclusion, I think I need to make a more conscious effort not to change any of my life except what I'm trying to do. That being said, I also am going to start a new sacrifice soon. Stay tuned.

Big Girls Don't Cry...

... But big boys sure do whine a lot about being a so-called "vegetarian".

My version of the grocery shopping goes something like this... There were actual bullets of sweat involved. He started going downhill in the produce section and by the time we hit up the frozen foods, I was worried he might have a total meltdown. He was so put off by the veggie-meats that (in order to get out of the store as fast as possible) he started to throw in one of everything despite the six dollar price tag per box! I talked him down and we managed to get out of the store with a few meatless goodies to try. John definitely downplayed the whole experience. I can't wait to read what he writes about having lunch at my Grandmother's last Sunday... Let's just say he didn't handle having to turn down the gravy too well.

This whole vegetarian month challenge is great for me. I don't really like meat all that much anyway, and it's not going to be hard for me to deny it for 31 days (unless someone evil decides to wave crabcakes or Japanese hibachi under my nose). I'm excited to try the new recipes (this was the first time making lasagna for me!) and the new foods (especially tofutti!). So I guess I should cut John some slack since he is clearly doing more of the actual sacrificing. BUT his last post did not do justice to the last few days.

Every night John asks me what we are having for dinner with a look of pure dread on his face. I'm not kidding.. it's hilarious. So far I've gone easy on him with the veggie pizza & lasagna... but the day is coming where my answer will be "Soy-Dogs!" I'm not sure how he's going to handle it, but it's going to be fun...

Monday, October 1, 2007

No Cheating

So far so good, I am officially four days into vegetarianism. I can't say that it's been all that tough, although all I've had was homemade pizza green pepper/pineapple pizza and vegetarian lasagna, see: They taste much better than they look... which, they look worse than the greasy, mouth-watering, mess of a hamburger from Five Guys in the first post, but they both taste pretty good. And that lasagna should last a couple more days before I bite the bullet and move on to the real challenges, veggie burgers, although I hear the veggie hot dogs really aren't that bad.

I feel like I'm cheating a bit though. As a vegetarian, I'm not eating many vegetables. I could easily last a month eating bean burritos and cheese pizza, so I am announcing a new guideline to my challenge. I must eat a salad everyday. It's a small addition, but I figure it only makes sense.

Grocery Shopping

Grocery shopping with the vegetarian experience in mind was interesting last Friday. Tiff will want to say that I have been very apprehensive about this whole vegetarian thing and will probably point to grocery shopping as the first evidence. Before I defend myself, let me just say that the prospect of chomping down on a bean-burger or a soy-enhanced-hot dog added a definite sense of dread that first day.

But I didn't know what I signed up for until I got to the store. Nothing says mmm like vegetarian chicken nuggets. That's right, fake chicken. I guess it's probably one of the easier things to fake, but that's for another day. And I'm looking forward to some collared greens. Mmmm... steamy greeny.

I should vow not to complain about these self-inflicted challenges, but at this point I can't help it.

On the brighter side, I struck up a conversation with the cashier, Stanley, who I believe acknowledged my forlorn demeanor. He didn't quite understand my reasoning behind the vegetarian challenge, probably because there isn't one, but he rooted me on. Plus, it felt oddly comforting to not only share my hesitation with a stranger, but to laugh with another grown man about the word tofutti.

I didn't share with Stanley that there is a blog, which I now regret. I shouldn't be afraid to get the word out. Why make a story if you don't share it? Maybe that will be a whole other challenge.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Vegetarian - One Month

I wish all vegetables were as cute as the Veggie Tales gang. If they were, I think I'd be more inclined to eat them... or maybe invite them over for dinner. It's okay I probably wouldn't eat any of them, I'm pretty much a solid meat and potatoes type of guy. Vegetables.

I like my hamburgers and hot dogs, chicken sandwiches and ham and cheese sandwiches, steak and turkey. I love meatloaf and sloppy joes. I like bar-b-cue pork and baby back ribs. I like a big sausage. Pizza needs pepperoni to be pizza and chili needs more than beans to be chili.

In other words, I like meat. I think all my favorite foods are all meaty, so it's with a heavy heart that I, along with the better half of the Muted Guerrilla and my better half, Tiffany, take on our first challenge. Vegetarianism - 1 month. It starts today, September 28, 2007 and we will run it through October.

A few guidelines. We will follow the lacto-ovo-vegetarian diet which allows us both milk and eggs - thank God. As much as I like PB&J and spaghetti, we must try some of the more stereotypical vegetarian meals... ie. veggie-burgers (gulp!), something with tofu (double gulp!), and vegetables (gulp! gulp! gulp!).

Anyways, for our last meal, we got hamburgers from Five Guys.

These fries were from Ashton, Idaho. I should have taken a picture of us enjoying them, but they were gone too fast, fries and all.

Let the madness begin. Who knows, maybe I'll end up liking it and dedicate my life to growing organic fruits and vegetables, but don't hold your breath.

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