"Oh! No!"

I'm not sure what happened.

I was at work. I stayed for a meeting. I had planned to run out to Starbuck's to help me stay awake through the meeting, but my relief never showed so I worked with the kids for the hour and a half before the meeting started. I took the kids to breakfast. They were eating breakfast. There was a plate laid out for me. I was talking to the kids.

I'm not sure how it happened.

I just wasn't thinking. I took a biscuit off the plate. It had been a while since I had these biscuits, and Jane cooked them right. They weren't burnt at all, cooked through completely, and still moist from what looked like butter. I split one open with my thumbs. Steam poured out. There were two sausage patties. I picked one up with my fork. I put it on the biscuit. I sank my teeth into it. I remember looking at it, thinking how good it tasted.

I can't believe it happened.

So I get to my meeting just before it starts. There is food laying out. As always it's a weird mix of breakfast and dessert. The strawberry cheesecake, ham-and-cheese breakfast burritos, crackers and cheese, spicy chicken taquitos, and strawberry cheesecake all lined up. Thinking about my upcoming beach wedding, I pass over the strawberry cheesecake and take one spicy chicken taquito, and take a seat. I bite into it as my boss starts the meeting. I look down the table at someone's half-eaten taquito and start to wonder what exactly is in them. And then the truth circled around my head for a minute.

"Oh! No!"

I said it in slow motion. I was loud enough to stop the meeting. Everyone turned, looking at me, as a large piece of chicken-filled food rested noticeably in my mouth. I swallowed down the bite of food. And sheepishly explained, "I'm a vegetarian."

Three weeks as a vegetarian. Three weeks with my diet on the forefront of my mind. Three weeks of thinking both "I can do this!" and "Why am I doing this?" at the same time. Three weeks ruined by one morning of absent-mindedness. I failed. Not only did I fail, but I failed with shipped-in shelter food. I am so mad at myself. I cannot put into words how mad I am at myself. And more than mad, I'm disappointed in myself. This is my first sacrifice and I can't do it. I am pathetic.

So now what? The challenge was for a month, the month of October, and I intend on finishing out the month as a vegetarian. But, that doesn't feel like enough. I feel like I should have to recite the rosary of vegetables, but I don't know what that would be. I think what I will do is, come November first we will get a big meaty meal somewhere as planned and only Tiffany can end her sacrifice of meat, and I will look on, for at least one extra day.

So mad at myself.